How to Trust the Process of Life During Change and Transition

Adapted from the book:  Listen: Trusting Your Inner Voice in Times of Crisis, by Lynn Robinson

“I’m always reminding people that the one constant you can count on is that things happen — and usually when you’re not in the mood for them.” — Loretta LaRoche 

Experts on change and transition have various names for the stages of change we pass through. You have only to look at nature to see that all of life has ebbs and flows. There are seasons when plants and trees are flourishing, blooming and growing, followed by a period where they regenerate, lying dormant for awhile. We as humans are no exception to this cycle of nature. You have periods of time where you are full to the brim with excitement and growth, achieving your goals, meeting with success at every turn. Life is fun, joy-filled, amazing! 

This phase is often followed by a period of time where you coast along smoothly. The job is going well, the marriage is happy. Life is good. There may be a few bumps in the road at times. Most days you feel that you’ve finally found the secret to life. Blessed be! You are one of the lucky ones.

It’s tempting to think that if you do all the right things in the first two phases it will continue to be bliss all the time. However this is usually not the case. The next phase is the one that very few people seem to like. You begin to feel dissatisfied with what you've created.

The most disquieting changes are the ones that appear out of the blue. Over a period of several weeks or months you find yourself in the midst of unhappiness with your current life. What once gave you pleasure, now seems boring. Nothing feels right. What gave you job satisfaction before now seems to leave you empty and without meaning. Where you once leapt out of bed to begin your day, you now want to just turn over and go back to sleep. What’s the point of it all?

We’ve all experienced these kinds of life transitions. They’re often characterized by feeling bored, restless, anxious and on edge. I see these feelings as a call from your wise inner being indicating that change is needed. It’s as if the Universe had conspired to tell you to look within, hibernate, lie fallow for a while and regain your strength for the next season of growth. The writer Charles C. West seemed to agree when he wrote, “We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking, only to learn that it is God who is shaking them.”

If you’re like most people, you respond by wishing the uncomfortable feelings would simply go away. What is the change that’s needed? You may feel like you’re in the midst of chaos and you can’t find your way out. One client characterized this transition time as a “nightmare where she could see the doors that might lead to escape, but which door is the right door?” Making a bad decision could leave her worse off than before!

Unfortunately clarity about the solution doesn’t usually arrive at the same time as the problem. This makes you more scared. How will you support yourself if you have to alter your life in some as-yet-unknown way? The plea I frequently hear is, “Dear God, why do I feel so confused and what is the meaning of all of this? Why can’t I just go back to the way things were?”

However, all is not lost! Someone once said, "Confusion is that wonderful state that precedes clarity." Here are some ideas to consider in order to move wisely through this time of transition.

Be patient — Sue Monk Kidd wrote in her wonderful book, While the Heart Waits, "When you're waiting, you're not doing nothing. You're allowing your soul to grow up. If you can't be still and wait, you can't become what God created you to be." This transition period in your life is, in all likelihood, time-limited. Practice saying the mantra, “This too shall pass.”

Manage your feelings — There are many transitions that you go through in a few months. You come out the other side feeling life is fresh and new and the turmoil of the change you’ve gone through seems almost forgotten. However, there are also those changes that leave a permanent mark on your soul. For example, losing someone— a child, a friend, a parent. There’s nothing you can do to bring them back. You may also have lost something intangible — a sense of safety, hope, financial well-being, or a belief in your physical immortality. Whatever your loss, there is part of this over which you have no control. The part that you do control is your attitude about it. Ask your inner wisdom the question, “How can I find peace in this situation?” Listen for the answer. It will come, and so will your serenity.

Talk to God — You can rail, yell, scream and cry. God can handle it. Talk to God as you would to a good friend. Tell him that you’re scared and don’t know what to do. Ask for insight. Ask for peace and be open to both when they come. The response may be presented through inner means such as your intuition. It may also come in an outer way. You may unexpectedly run into an old friend who has just the right thing to say or you could find a passage in a book that leaps out at you as the answer you’ve been seeking. You are loved. You are cared about and surrounded by a loving presence at all times. You are not alone.

Trust in a Higher purpose — “Why am I going through this?” you ask. God knows! And I’m not being facetious. Asking that question when you’re in the midst of any difficult situation doesn’t usually provoke a satisfactory response. The Universe has a plan for your life. Have faith that the power that causes the sun to rise and set, the trees to bloom and babies to grow also knows how to grow your soul and provide prosperity for you. There is a master plan. The code to unlocking this plan lies in your ability to keep your heart open and to listen to the voice of God within. Nothing else matters and all is unfolding perfectly. Trust the process.