Healing Relationships

 By: Cindy Eyler  March 2003

There are a few ways that can help the situation in working on relationships of any kind.

The first one is obvious - it would be for the other person to acknowledge what they are doing and work on themselves, in whatever way that would be. But, if they don't think there is anything wrong with what they are doing or think what they are doing is perfectly fine, there is still hope.  The key is always:  Work on ourselves!

Here are step by step instructions to change your life!

1. When something upsetting comes up, take a deep breath and ask, what emotion is coming up the strongest when thinking of the situation. It could be any emotion: trust, undeserving, fear, anger, etc.

2. Once the emotion is pinpointed, ask:

- What is really going on with me... why do I feel "(whatever emotion it is)"?

- What is really bothering me about this emotion?

- Why is this emotion coming up for me?

- What happened in my past where I was really hurt and felt this emotion?

Acknowledge your fear or insecurity with this emotion and work at healing it.

After you've thought all this through and gotten some understanding on how you feel...

3. Remember, everyone wears masks, especially when they are hurt, angry, fearful, etc., and they don't know how to express themselves for whatever reason. So it isn't always wise to take what they say for face value. They are projecting in a way to hide how they are really feeling, many times as a defense mechanism.

Look behind the mask and ask:

- What is really going on with this person.

- Find the word or their emotion that is hiding behind the mask. It can be, hurt, fear, anger, undeserving, insecurity, etc.

- Once you locate it, you can even look a little deeper and ask why they are feeling this way.

- What has happened to make them feel this way.

God once (well more than once) told me, "... see them through the eyes of love..." Well, that is a completely different story!!! That is when I learned this process of looking behind the mask and not taking their outwardly actions for face-value. When I looked deeper while looking through the eyes of love, I began feeling compassion, and it really helped me to understand this person and what was really going on. It changed my perspective and the way I was seeing things.

Working on myself, then looking at the other person through the eyes of love always changed the situation... it was NO LONGER a situation! It was healed!! This has worked over and over again - a proven method which has been a priceless gift in my life. When we work on healing our issues, it changes the whole situation. When we no longer carry that particular energy, then we can no longer attract it!

Remembering we are all always mirroring each other, so when something is really bothering us it is an opportunity to heal a part of us that is ready to leave our space. Again, if we heal our own issues, the issue has to go... things have to change - period.

One thing I always remember:

"Everyone is always looking for love... it is just that some people express it differently than others..."

... meaning, sometimes when people just want to be loved, they ask for it in strange ways - many times they ask for it through anger, hurt, and even abuse... they have probably never felt it, and have no idea what love feels like, so they are asking for it in the way they do know.

As far as the "short" answer to relationship issues... do what brings you peace. Think of your options and check in with your energy to see how each makes you feel. Do this for YOU not for anyone else, and only because you want your life to feel better. If you do it for yourself, then how anyone else reacts is their business, because you did what made you feel good, and you're only taking responsibility for yourself and peace of mind.

Peace...